Stronger
by LilweenGalatrass
Summary: "Damn it, why doesn't that bastard Ushiwaka look more upset?" Just because he doesn't show it, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Ushijima Wakatoshi always calls his father after a match, victory or defeat. It just stung more than expected, to announce his father that this year, for the first time, he wouldn't attend the Nationals because of a tiny, unknown team. ONESHOT on Wakatoshi


_HEY HEY HEY! :D_

 _I just finished re-watching Haikyuu and I have a lot of feels about the 3rd season, and pretty much everyone involved, and well, here is a little one-shot on Ushijima Wakatoshi. I won't say much, except, as Oikawa said "why doesn't he look more frustrated, damn it?"_

 _I hope you'll enjoy it~! :D_

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FANFICTION

HAIKYUU! : Stronger

ONE-SHOT

" _Anything you lose comes round in another form."_

― **Jalaluddin Rumi**

" _But man is not made for defeat," he said. "A man can be destroyed but not defeated."_

― **Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea**

" _Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure."_

― **George E. Woodberry**

" _The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying."_

― **Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart**

" _When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way."_

― **Paulo Coelho, Brida**

" _Every challenge you face today makes you stronger tomorrow. The challenge of life is intended to make you better, not bitter."_

― **Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart**

" _Don't be ashamed to weep; 'tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time."_

― **Brian Jacques, Taggerung**

" _My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me."_

― **Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience**

" _Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."_

― **Dr. Seuss**

" _There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster."_

― **Dalai Lama XIV**

" _Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."_

― **Mahatma Gandhi**

" _With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."_

― **Eleanor Roosevelt**

Ushijima Wakatoshi entered his bedroom in Shiratorizawa Academy, putting down his bag, like he always did. He glanced at his pots of plants and flowers near the window, like he always did. He unzipped his jacket, like he always did, just as his roommate and teammate, Oohira Reon glanced around the bedroom but he seemed a little lost and confused.

They were coming back from the team meeting, and the hundred serves, after their loss in the finals of the Spring High against _Karasuno_ of all teams. Everyone on the team, and especially the third-years felt at a loss, not quite knowing how to feel and not quite realizing the full weight of their loss.

Reon glanced at Wakatoshi worriedly. Out of everyone on the team, he is the only one who hadn't shed a single tear yet. He hadn't shown any frustration or anger at their loss. The moment the final whistle had resonated throughout the gymnasium, for the last point won by Karasuno, for a ball that couldn't be saved, the expression of shock on Wakatoshi's face had been the only clue on how he felt. _Shocked_. Like everyone else. But… since then. Nothing. Reon knew better that anyone that his long-time friend didn't show many feelings to others, and he had his role as Captain and Super Ace, leader of the team, to force him to keep his composure but… he had remained strangely calm. And it worried him, and the rest of their teammates as well, even more.

"…Do you want to take a bath first?" Reon asked, taking out some of his clothes from his closet to get ready for a good shower and relaxing bath.

It seemed to bring Wakatoshi out of his reverie, he turned towards him:

"No, go ahead." He answered.

Reon hesitated but nodded, thinking that some lonely time might do him good – he needed it as well anyway, to take in everything.

Once Reon had left into the bathroom to take his bath, Wakatoshi slowly walked towards his bag and took out his phone, sitting down on his bed. He stared at the phone screen, fingers hovering over it without actually touching. He glanced at the volley ball right next to his pillow, then back at the phone. He was still sweaty from the hundred serves Washijo had made them do. He still felt the muscles of his entire body burning from the intense match. He felt a mix of tiredness and hunger, making him drowsy, his body slow from how sore it felt.

Finally, Wakatoshi unlocked his phone screen and opened his list of contacts, going through it before clicking. He brought it up to his ear, hearing it ring a few times.

" _Hello?"_

The familiar voice sent waves of warmth through his body and the slightest of smile appeared on his face. But unlike usual, it didn't feel right.

"Dad," he said, like he always did.

" _Wakatoshi! How was the match? I'm still surprised it wasn't against Aoba Jousai, ah ah! This Oikawa-kun seemed so determined to win and go to Nationals! It must have been quite a team you faced to vanquish your eternal rival! But I'm sure it has been an easy victory for you, uh?"_

The enthusiastic voice of his father was reassuring, but his words felt like a punch in the gut. Wakatoshi opened and closed his lips, unable to voice out the words he wanted to tell his dad.

He was so certain Shiratorizawa would have _won_. Everyone had assumed so. Everyone was shocked of how it had turned out in the end…

"…We lost." Wakatoshi finally said in a low, hard voice.

It sounded foreign even to his ears, breaking a little. He frowned, body tensing and a slight tremble taking over his limbs. Was he _that_ exhausted that he couldn't control his own body any more and it'd shake?

No, it wasn't exhaustion. _It_ _was_ …

Frustration rose within him, angry waves drowning his heart. _Every_ year, at _every_ competition, for the last six years, he had faced Oikawa and Iwaizumi, whether it was in Kitagawa Daiichi or in Aoba Jousai, they _always_ made it to the finals to try and win against _him_ and Shiratorizawa. They always lost. They couldn't win against his power and Shiratorizawa's strong players. Sheer strength was enough to break their tactics and balanced play. But _not this time_ , not against Karasuno.

Flashes of black and orange, memories of the match of the day, came back and he glanced down. His free hand was resting calmly on top of his thigh.

The long silence of shock at the other side of the phone was finally broken:

" _Oh…"_ His father said, not finding anything else to say.

What else could he say anyway?

His father had encouraged him _so much, every_ year, warning him to be careful of Aoba Jousai but _never once_ he had doubted of his son's ability to win the match, to get to Nationals and win even _more_ matches there. But for the first time in his life, Wakatoshi hadn't even gone past the preliminaries, he wouldn't see the Sky Tree again. Because he had lost against Karasuno, he wouldn't get to play more matches, he wouldn't get to have his revenge against the powerful teams of the National Top eight, he wouldn't get to play with his team any more. The third-years had no choice but to retire, he would never play again a match with Reon, or Tendou, or Semi, or Yamagata and even less the second and first years…

It was over.

His high-school volleyball time was over.

The hand holding his phone shook and he lowered his face, clenching his jaw while his free hand was tightening around his pants until his knuckles turned white. Tears of frustration, sadness, melancholy, disappointment in himself, came into his eyes but he stubbornly refused to let them roll down. He couldn't be weak again, he couldn't fail, he _couldn't_ –

" _Did you guys fight until the end?"_ His father asked in a soft, comforting voice.

Wakatoshi opened his lips, an annoying knot in his throat keeping him from talking.

"…Yes." He said, praying his father didn't hear the slight tremor of his voice when he said that.

" _Then… it's good."_

Wakatoshi didn't answer.

It _wasn't_ good. They had _lost_ , he had _failed_ , _how_ could it be _good?_ Everyone had expected Shiratorizawa to come out of this gymnasium, of the finals, as the _ultimate winners_ who would have won year after year, tournament after tournament… _how_ did it turn out this way? They might have underestimated Karasuno at first, but they fought hard and until the end, they _didn't_ give up. His _power_ was the strongest in Miyagi, his _team_ was the strongest in Miyagi. _How_ could they lose against an _unknown team?_ Their teamwork was admirable, but their plays were so full of holes, they couldn't keep up against them at first, they would have lost if it weren't for–

 _Kageyama Tobio. Hinata Shouyou._

Wakatoshi had first heard about Karasuno just a few months ago, when the rumors of an amazing first-year duo spread. These two were doing an amazing quick and Karasuno had held on against Aoba Jousai for three sets, going well into the 30s points on the third set. But Wakatoshi _never_ doubted his team wouldn't win, even against this quick. They weren't the only capable players on Karasuno, of course, but they were the most noticeable ones. They were the ones who had challenged _him_.

" _I'm Hinata Shouyou, from the concrete. I'm going to beat you, and go to Nationals."_

His speed, his reflexes, his confidence, his challenge had been so _exciting_. Something _new_ after years of the same match and the same victory, a new challenger, a small first-year who thought he could beat him. He had been half-expecting this match, he had hoped he'd get to face these two, but he NEVER thought defeat was a _possibility_.

"We lost anyway. I… I failed." Wakatoshi said, sounding angry.

His father didn't answer right away, pondering what words he should give his son. But then, his voice was calm and quiet:

" _Yes, you lost, but it doesn't mean you failed. You kept fighting until the end, you did your best and it's what matters most. Winning all the time isn't interesting, is it?"_

His father paused, while Wakatoshi kept his lips thin, angry at himself, at this result. Even if they fought until the end, it didn't change they had _lost_. It didn't change the fact that there was _no more_ match, _no more_ high-school team, _no_ _more_ …

Wakatoshi closed his eyes, memories of the past three years with his teammates flashing behind his eyes.

" _You didn't give up and this match will probably teach you the most important lessons in volleyball."_

"…The most important lessons?" He repeated, a little confused.

He had played volleyball his entire life, he didn't doubt that he lacked the experience that a professional player had, and he still had much to learn but… but _how_ losing is a lesson?

" _That your power isn't your only strength, that a strong team isn't necessarily the best team."_ His father continued calmly.

Wakatoshi's heart missed a beat. He had always played on Shiratorizawa and he knew that the team's style was _"the bigger, the stronger"_ and until now it had always proved to be right. Simple plays and tactics, but strong and powerful players. Taking points by sheer power, breaking down walls with a single spike. It was how it had always been. Even Aoba Jousai's strategies couldn't rival his and his team's pure strength. How was Karasuno any different? They used tactics and number to confuse their opponents, but no one was particularly big or strong. On the contrary, their main player, the backbone of their attack power was a tiny, weak, unimpressive first-year who could jump a little high. _How_ was it _strong?_ It was against everything he had been taught.

" _When crows flock, they might even kill a huge, white eagle."_ Oikawa had told him the previous day, while _warning_ him about Karasuno. He hadn't taken this warning in consideration because he was _certain_ that his team was the strongest.

But before he could ponder this any longer, his father continued:

" _And… the most important lesson of all: it's not over. Even if you lost, what matters isn't what happened in the past, but what you will do in the future. Real strength is standing up after being defeated and looking ahead, learning lessons from your loss to gain a new strength in the future. Then, you will be the strongest, Wakatoshi. It's not about the power of your swing, or who your teammates are, or who your opponents are, but what you will make out of all of your experiences."_ He explained.

Even if his father was miles away, Wakatoshi knew he was smiling, he could hear it in his voice. He wasn't smiling in joy because of his loss – he was smiling confidently because he knew Wakatoshi could grow stronger, beyond mere power. And this loss would be his teaching tool.

A memory from so many years ago, when he was still a child, still came to him from time to time when he thought about his father and their common passion for volleyball:

" _Join a strong team. Strong guys and interesting guys gather in a strong environment. And if you become stronger, you'll be able to go up against various people. Strong guys, weird guys, and new guys. I'm sure that will make you stronger."_ He had told him back then.

Wakatoshi had always thought he understood, he had Tendou as a teammate, and _various_ other guys, after all. He had played with all kinds of players, he had faced all kinds of teams but… but he felt like he _finally_ understood what it _really_ meant. He had to lose against Karasuno, to feel anger and shame to be defeated by a tiny, unknown team to understand the most important lesson of volleyball and… and how _bitter_ he felt.

The tears in his eyes were burning but he frowned at himself, holding it in together.

Perhaps his father felt it, or perhaps he heard the shaky intake of breath of his son over the phone, but he spoke up again:

" _Of course… it's okay to be bitter and angry after such a loss…"_

"…I… I didn't want to lose… I want to keep winning I want to… I want to keep _playing_ , I don't want it to end yet…" Wakatoshi said, voice trembling.

"… _It's okay to be sad too. You had a really good time with your teammates for three years, and even if the school year isn't over… you'll have to say goodbye to your team very soon."_

A single tear fell on his clenched fist. Wakatoshi bit hard on his lower lip.

" _You don't have to hold back how you feel, it's okay to feel all the emotions in the world. Crying about your loss doesn't make you weak, Wakatoshi."_

More tears streamed down his face, Wakatoshi desperately trying to keep the sobs in his throat while his heart seemed to get heavier and heavier at every tear escaping his eyes.

" _You can cry. I'm proud of you, Wakatoshi."_ His father said in a tender voice.

It was all it took for Wakatoshi to break, a sob finally escaping his lips. He muffled his sobs with his hand, furious tears rolling down his cheeks, the flow incessant. Beyond the anger, bitterness and sadness to say goodbye to his team, he realized he had been _scared_. To become a shame for his team he had let down, to be a disappointment to his father whom he looked up to. But he _wasn't_. His dad was _proud_ of him, he _supported_ him, like he had always done and even _miles_ away from him, he could still comfort him.

For long minutes, listening to the reassuring voice of his dad over the phone, wishing he were here but knowing it was impossible, Wakatoshi cried. Quietly at times, angrily at other moments, sobbing whenever he thought back on what he had most lost: the precious time playing with his teammates.

His dad didn't judge, he listened, occasionally giving him comforting words, reassuring him that it was all right, that he was proud, that he could cry because he had all the rights to do so.

A long moment later, after ending the call, Wakatoshi's eyes feeling red and burning from the tears, his throat raw from the sobs, he glanced at a picture on his desk. The picture of his team, all wearing their uniform. And he smiled.

When Reon came back from his bath, he glanced at Wakatoshi sitting on the edge of his bed, his favorite volley ball, the one his father taught him volleyball with, in his hands, patiently waiting for his turn for a bath. He was smiling fondly, melancholy shining in his reddened eyes. Reon immediately relaxed and smiled:

"You can go to the bathroom." He said.

Wakatoshi looked up, nodding. He carefully put down the volley ball and stood up. He had noticed Reon's reddened eyes, and it was just as reassuring as his father's words to know that he wasn't the only one feeling regrets, bitterness and sadness for their loss.

But before he could leave their common room, Reon put his hand down on his shoulder. Wakatoshi turned to him curiously, but Reon only smiled:

"I'm sure I can talk from everyone else on the team but… thank you."

Wakatoshi's heart sped up a little. He felt his eyes fill with tears again, feeling too emotional and sensitive after his earlier sobs. As if he was left open. But as his shoulders tremble and Reon knew very well how he felt, what he was trying to hide… Wakatoshi smiled and nodded back.

"Thank _you_ all, for these three years," he told him, vowing to repeat it the following day to each and every one of his teammates.

Reon smiled, letting go of his shoulder, as Wakatoshi, still smiling, went to take his bath.

Tomorrow would be a new day and even if the loss and all the feelings that came with it would still be raw and painful to deal with… Wakatoshi knew he would keep on walking on the path that would make him stronger.

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 _I'm sure Wakatoshi would think about this defeat for alot more, but it'll take time and days. I hope he was In Character because even if it's not his first defeat, even if he doesn't show this sort of emotions to others... I can't believe he didn't cry at some point after being defeated by Karasuno. But he'll be stronger after that. :)_

 _I hope you enjoyed it~! Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought~!_

 _Yours Truly,_

 _May_


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